


it's the secrets that unveil a truth foretold

by xxcaribbean



Category: One Direction (Band), Real Person Fiction
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Slash, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-03
Updated: 2012-11-03
Packaged: 2017-11-17 16:59:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxcaribbean/pseuds/xxcaribbean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“And that’s exactly it,” Liam whispers. He looks somber, more than he should over something that apparently meant nothing to him, and maybe Zayn’s putting words into his mouth, but he thought they had a mutual understanding. “What’s more important to you, Zayn, your reputation or your happiness?”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's the secrets that unveil a truth foretold

**Author's Note:**

> Also read [here.](http://thesimpleartofwriting.tumblr.com/post/34927178169/ugh-god-terribly-sorry-this-took-so-long-but-i)

Zayn knows exactly why he lies. It’s not like he enjoys doing it, but it’s for his own piece of mind and saving face in front of an entire student body of kids that might not accept him for who he really is.

Maybe it’s wrong to assume that his social status will fail if he comes out as bisexual, but currently, Zayn’s not sure if he’s willing to risk telling anyone the truth simply because his social hierarchy is all he’s known. Zayn’s always been a little too popular for his own good and while no one has hated him, as far as he knows, he can’t imagine subjecting himself to any kind of theoretical ridicule he could receive if he were to express the fact that he didn’t just play for one team.

Which is why at this very moment, Zayn’s questioning every decision he’s ever  made about his sexuality and the choices involving it because he’s currently staring at a boy who’s a little too handsome for his own good and all he can think about is the fact that he’d really like to kiss him and why he hadn’t noticed him before.

“This is Liam,” Louis says, patting Liam on the back and pushing Zayn’s shoulder in order to get his attention.

“Right, uh, nice to meet you.” Zayn nods towards the other boy, and of course Zayn knows who he is. He just doesn’t  _know_  him. He’s pretty sure they’ve been in school together since pre-school but never ended up in the same circle of friends, except for Louis. Louis’ always known everyone, kept tabs on the student body in case there ever came a time for a little blackmail, and while Zayn has yet to see anything of the sort come into play, his best mate prides himself on being his own little black book of secrets.

“Liam needs your help.”

Zayn looks at his friend with a wariness he’s not sure he should have.

“Okay, with what?”

The question is directed at Louis, and maybe it shouldn’t be because after all, Liam is the one who needs help, but currently the other boy is looking a bit out of place, like he can’t believe he’s really relying on Louis, of all people, to help him out with something he could’ve just asked Zayn for in the first place.

Though, to be fair, there’s the possibility of Liam being a little too intimidated by the popular group and one of the reasons why he hadn’t bothered to speak up before.

“Art; he’s failing.”

“Hey, that’s now what I said!”

And it’s the first time Zayn’s heard Liam speak. While there could’ve been past conversations where Liam’s voice has travelled its way in the hallway or any of the classes they might’ve had together that Zayn, for the life of him, can’t remember right now, it’s as clear as day without it being muffled or distorted by the chatter of other students around them.

“I’m not really failing, yet. But I will be if I don’t get a decent grade on this art project I have to do,” Liam explains, and Zayn knows exactly what he’s talking about. He’s already done art and had passed it with flying colors.

Zayn bites the inside of his cheek as he watches Liam. They’re currently in gym class, sitting on the bleachers and Liam’s too busy averting his gaze, looking across the room. He’s a little shy, Zayn can see, nervous too, but it’s endearing and he can feel how his breath is caught in his throat, completely captivated by how he hadn’t noticed this boy long ago because he’s sure that if he had, things would be a lot different for him right now.

Louis clears his throat, which pulls Zayn out of his gaze. He doesn’t look at his mate, not sure what kind of facial expression Louis will grace him with and he’d rather not be looked at with curiosity. It’s bad enough that Zayn holds his secret so close to his heart, but it’d be even worse if he let it slip right now, especially in front of a friend he hasn’t even bothered to confront yet.

“And Louis said I’d be able to help you?”

Liam shrugs, looking mildly put off by Zayn’s words. “Louis only suggested it and he dragged me here. If you’re busy or you just don’t want to, I understand.”

Zayn’s eyes meet Liam’s as he turns to face him. There’s another beat of silence or two before Louis’ interrupts it.

“Yes, I did because Zayn’s good, and he can help you, Liam. And he  _will_  help you.”

The emphasis on his words cause Zayn to look away from the brown-eyed boy and over to Louis who’s got an indescribable look on his face, which is quite a big thing to say considering the fact that everyone tends to know the kind of mood Louis is in.

Zayn chooses not to glare at Louis, especially not when Liam’s looking at him because that would be rude and definitely suggest that he’s not up for helping out the other boy in the first place, and while he’s having a few moments of doubt on whether or not this would be the best thing for him to do, he knows he’d feel terrible if he were to turn Liam away with a  _no_.

So he sighs and forces himself not to give Louis the finger by turning back to Liam and saying, “Sure, I’ll help you. Meet me after school in the art room; we’ll go from there.”

x.x.x.x

Things turn out differently than expected. While Zayn and Liam meet in the art room every day after school, they’ve also developed a friendship, though it tends to only last within the room. There are certain occasions where they’ll pass each other in the hallway and Zayn will give him a smile and Liam returns it with his own, but all of it has taken him by surprise.

Really, Zayn never thought he’d find a friend in someone like Liam, but he has and he’s probably enjoying himself a little too much.

“That line isn’t straight,” Zayn points out causing Liam to frown. He turns the pencil around in order to erase the mistake he’s just made so he can start again, though this time, Liam uses a ruler.

Currently, Liam’s trying his best to make an outline of the object he’s chosen to draw, which is a basket of fruit and while Zayn had only furrowed his brows in mild confusion, Liam had said it was simple and hopefully easy because that’s exactly what he needed given the fact that he said he couldn’t draw for shit.

“I hate this,” he whispers, and Zayn is left to raise one of his eyebrows at the remark. He’s currently busy sketching and paying attention to Liam at the same time, a hard task for most, but drawing’s natural for him and it’s keeping him occupied as Liam works.

“Okay then,” Zayn comments, not giving it much thought than that, but he notices Liam move, the way his body cringes when he says the words so he stops what he’s doing to look at the other boy.

“That was rude. I shouldn’t have said that,” he states, and Zayn wants to laugh at how frustrated Liam looks. He’s trying his best to mask it, but it’s as clear as day regardless.

“It’s your opinion.”

“But you like it,” Liam says, pointing at Zayn’s work and when he looks down at what he’s sketched so far, he quickly covers the paper with his arm because it’s a lot more intimate than he’d like to think it is, and he’d rather Liam not see any of it either. It’s very personal to him, something he doesn’t bother sharing with anyone he knows, and although both boys have gained some unspoken trust between them, Zayn’s not ready to share.

When Zayn glances up, eyes peeking through his lashes to see if what he’d done had been a little rude, it turns out that Liam’s only staring at him and not looking as offended as Zayn might’ve thought.

“I’m not going to pass, am I?” Liam sets down his pencil so he won’t make any more marks on his paper. His fingers play with the edges of the page, and he stares at it with sympathy. “It’s horrible.”

“It’s only a sketch,” Zayn points out. “Besides, not everyone is an artist, but you’re good enough to get a passing grade. So you don’t know everything, that’s fine.”

Liam shakes his head, “No it’s not.” His hair follows his movements as he does so, and to Zayn it looks rather soft and something he’d like to run his fingers through, feeling the texture and having Liam sigh at the contact.

Zayn pulls at his bottom lip with his teeth in order to keep himself from making an undignified noise before forcing those thoughts out of his mind. From what he’s learned about Liam, and what he probably should’ve already known since he’d practically grown up with the kid, is that he’s openly gay, and Liam’s okay with himself. He’s happy; he isn’t picked on too often, and he can stand up for himself just fine, but as far as anyone knows, Zayn is straight and that wouldn’t work out too well if he randomly started dropping hints that he now kinda has a thing for Liam. Not only would it confuse Liam, but there’d be the possibility that it could get back to the rest of the school, and while Zayn’s gotten to know Liam quite well, it’s not easy to trust someone with a secret of this magnitude, in his eyes.

“Why’d you get into art?”

“Uh nothing in particular, I guess. I remember being obsessed with comics and colors.” Zayn looks back down at his sketchbook, the one he still has an arm covering just in case Liam tries to try and take another look. “Even drawing cartoons and stuff, but mostly it started when I was younger whenever my sisters got sick. I’d draw them up something and give it to them so they’d feel better. They were horrible, but it made them happy so…”

Zayn fiddles with the pencil in his hand before swallowing and looking back up at Liam to find a soft smile on his face. “That’s sweet, Zayn.”

He can only find it in himself to shyly nod.

x.x.x.x

Their friendship only grows within the next couple of weeks as both boys continue to meet in the art room after class. Zayn looks forward to it with each passing day, and he can feel something pull at his chest whenever he thinks of Liam and all the things that Zayn is beginning to notice about him.

It brings an unexpected smile to his face.

Despite being popular and regardless of Liam being of a different social status, they get along really well, more so than Zayn thought possible and if anyone was to thank, it’d be Louis.

Liam’s a friend, yes, but Zayn really likes him and that’s more than he can say about anyone he’s really ever come in contact with. He’s been with his fair share of partners before, some just to keep up his status in school, a little arm candy here and there without anything going on behind the scenes, but none of them compare to Liam and his thoughtfulness. He’s shy in a charming way but he’s also brazen whenever he speaks his mind. Zayn’s learned to love the little crinkle of his eyes when he’s happy and the way his smile highlights his entire face whenever Zayn’s able to make him laugh.

Although the friendship has grown as well, Liam’s made progress on his drawing. The entire sketch is done and he’s already started working on coloring it in, which Zayn ends up helping in some places that Liam can’t seem to shade just right, but other than that, he’s doing fine and he’s beginning to wonder if Liam really needed the help after all. Sure, it’s not his talent, but he’s strong enough in the ability of art that he’d be able to make a passing grade without Zayn.

He doesn’t question it further than that though, because they get along and Liam’s good company and everything’s great.

Until today, because today feels slightly different and Zayn’s not sure why.

When he enters the art room, Liam’s already there, hunched over his sketchbook, so Zayn decides to take a seat directly next to him so he can peer over his shoulder in order to look at what the other boy is doing. At first, he figures it’ll be his project, but instead it isn’t a page full of fruit. There are words scribbled throughout a piece of paper and Liam is currently writing furiously, his hand gripping his pencil a little too tightly, writing down words as quickly as he can, his handwriting a sure sign that Liam’s only writing in order to remember exactly what’s on his mind before it disappears for good.

Zayn moves back though, so he isn’t crowding Liam’s space and he doesn’t bother waiting until he’s done either. He grabs his own sketchbook out of his bag and begins drawing until he hears Liam sigh and set down his own pencil to address Zayn.

“Sorry about that,” he says.

“What for?” Zayn asks though he doesn’t look up from what he’s doing. He’s too busy running his fingers over the lead on the paper, creating a bit of a distorted effect on the image he’s trying to draw. He’s not sure what it’ll be yet, but that’s the fun of it.

“I was writing some stuff and ignored you when you-”

Zayn snorts, “You’re too nice for your own good, you know what?” He looks up from his work and over at Liam who’s got his eyes trained on Zayn already. He freezes once he sees how intently the other boy is staring, realizing he’s a little too close, and Zayn can see every little detail that makes up the other boy, the way his eyelashes are light and slightly curled at the tips, how his eyes are a nice brown color that’s unique in its own way and the way his lips are pink and fuller than Zayn’s…

And most importantly how he’s staring at Zayn with no shame, looking him over without a second thought.

He ends up licking his lips out of nervousness, and there’s a voice in his head that’s telling him to go for it, show Liam that he’s different, that he actually likes him a lot more than a friend, that he’s not as straight as he claims to be. There’s a hope that Liam will accept him exactly the way he is, and it all sounds like a great idea to be quite honest, but something holds Zayn off from doing anything at all which doesn’t last that long anyway because then he feels a pair of lips on his, where Liam is pressing forward and moving into Zayn, like he knew that this was exactly what Zayn had wanted, and while it seems like nothing spectacular is happening, it’s the best thing he’s felt in awhile.

Liam pulls back abruptly with wide eyes, with his hand moving towards his face as if it’ll rest against his lips in order to feel if he’d really done what he just did.

He’s quick on his feet before Zayn knows what’s happening. One moment he’s feeling perfectly content, then blissfully happy because he’d gotten to do the one thing he’s wanted for quite some time now, but it’s all gone downhill because as Liam walks to the other side of the room, Zayn can make out the tension in his shoulders, the way his fists are clenched at his side and he’s trying his best to avoid looking back at Zayn.

“Oh my god,” Liam says. His voice rings out throughout the room, and there’s a helpless sense of regret in his tone that hits Zayn too hard because as he continues looking after Liam, he realizes exactly what’s wrong with this entire picture.

Liam thinks he’s kissed someone who’s straight, which wouldn’t be fair to either of them because well, Zayn is supposed to be straight and Liam’s gay and he can’t technically have Zayn, but that’s not really true because Zayn’s been lying and it’s all a jumbled mess in his mind because right now, all Zayn really wants is Liam. It’s a name that runs through his thoughts over and over again because this is his opportunity, if any, to prove to himself to Liam and finally say what he’s been dying to say all the while.

“I knew I shouldn’t have done that, and it’s stupid of me to like someone who’s straight, and I tried to tell myself-”

“Liam,” Zayn says, but the other boy keeps going. His eyes are aimed at the ground whenever he turns around to confront Zayn, and his fists are still curled into his sides, and Zayn knows in this moment that he really can’t lie anymore. He can’t do this to Liam or himself, can’t and won’t let Liam feel this bad over something that’s not even true. Zayn’s not straight; he never was and never will be.

“Liam,” Zayn says again, and this time around, the other boy shuts his mouth while Zayn stands so he can make his way over to him. He’s slow at first, taking his time approaching Liam as if he was a baby deer that might run off. “I’ve been… well, I’ve been lying.”

So maybe that wasn’t the best way to start off this conversation, but Zayn can’t take it back now as Liam doesn’t really know what to make of what he’d just stated out loud.

“What are you talking about?”

“Not just to you, the entire school, really.” Zayn takes a moment before shaking his head. “Actually, no, that’s wrong. I’ve been lying to myself too.” The words are heavy on his tongue because there’s only two reactions to what he’s about to say and the nervousness he’s feeling is causing a pit to grow in his stomach. “I like boys.”

Liam narrows his eyes and looks kind of offended. “Is this a joke?”

Zayn hurriedly moves his head, shaking it and waving his hands in front of him. “No, it’s not. I like girls too, but I also like boys.”

“But you’re straight.” And there’s still that confusion there in Liam’s voice, and Zayn just wants him to understand.

“No, not really. That’s what everything thinks. It’s what I let them think.”

“Oh.  _Oh._ ” Liam’s face turns into one of completely surprise. “Was that-”

“No, it wasn’t,” Zayn quickly says in response to the question he’s sure Liam was going to ask. Liam hadn’t been the first boy he’d kissed nor was he the only one Zayn had felt an attraction towards.

He looks at Liam, waiting for him to say anything else, but when no response comes he speaks. “You’re okay with this?”

Liam’s face contorts into one of certainty, realizing what Zayn’s just done and said. “Zayn, I’m gay, and I kissed you. Of course I’m okay with this.” And Zayn’s not sure exactly what this is, whether Liam’s referring to them and what might potentially happen or if he’s talking about Zayn in general and how he’s not as straight as people have been led to believe.

Liam moves then, taking the extra steps he needs to in order for him to be standing in front of Zayn. When he’s close enough, he presses his lips right back onto Zayn’s without saying much else, and this time around, Zayn doesn’t hold back. He responds with just as much enthusiasm as Liam’s, exploring the way each other feel and taste on their tongues.

Zayn is the first to pull back and when he does, he’s left with a grin. “So what does this mean?”

Liam shrugs, “What do you want it to mean?”

Whether the question is asked out of simple curiosity or if Liam’s wanting him to respond because he’s just given himself away, he’s not sure, but Zayn only answers by leaning back in and capturing Liam’s lips in his.

They don’t get any closer in finishing the art project that day.

x.x.x.x

Eventually, and over the course of the next month or so (and really, maybe it shouldn’t have taken that long for one art project but they’ve wasted a lot of time talking about nonsense and Zayn wouldn’t have it any other way) they’ve become close. Now, of course Zayn is certain this has to do with the fact that their personalities are completely different because opposites attract, right? But that’s the thing he’s still struggling with because as Zayn continues to give Liam pointers on making his art look better overall, they’ve been hanging out outside of school as well.

And getting a little frisky, but that’s beside the point.

Most of the time the other boys are around too because Louis insists they hang out seeing as they haven’t in awhile, and while Zayn’s okay with that because it distracts him from is growing thoughts about Liam, it also prevents him from taking any further course of action towards the other boy. Zayn’s quite surprised how he hasn’t already attacked Liam with his lips in front of the other lads already and as each day progresses, it’s becoming increasingly hard to just not give a fuck and go for it.

But it’s going great and there’s still that lingering fear of someone finding out about him Liam and Zayn’s sure his heart wouldn’t be able to take that. Sure, he’d have Louis and Niall and Harry to lean on if that were the case, but it’s the unknown that keeps him from sleeping at night.

Zayn stuffs his books into his backpack and lifts it up off the ground. He’s supposed to meet Liam again before they head over to Zayn’s house. It’ll be the first time they’re alone together, and not only is Zayn nervous but he’s downright terrified that he might fuck it all up because he might act before he thinks and that could have him end up in a world of trouble.

“Where are you in a rush to?” Louis calls, and Zayn closes his eyes, shoulders falling of their own accord, and refrains from groaning out loud because this isn’t supposed to happen.

“Uh, meeting up with Liam.” He can’t lie about that. It’s true, and Louis would be able to tell if he were trying to slip something past him.

Louis walks further into the room and sits on one of the empty desks. “Really? I figured he would’ve been done with his project by now.” There’s a strange tone in his voice, something that’s not quite accusing but curious and questioning.

Zayn would really like it if he just left it alone but Louis’ always been there for him and he’d feel guilty if he tried to excuse himself.

“Almost,” he admits. His hand grips the strap of the backpack tighter than necessary and he gives a little smile that actually looks like the cat that ate the canary. He’s horrible at lying.

“Something you want to tell me?” Louis asks, his eyes blinking in innocence and while Zayn wants to shake his head and tell him no, he doesn’t. All he does is stare at Louis with wide eyes and a look that is begging him not to take it any further than it needs to go. “Okay, fine.”

Louis holds his hands up before pushing himself off the desk.

“It’s nothing personal.”

“Whenever you’re ready to tell me.”

And then he’s left alone in an empty classroom, wondering if that was the right decision on his part, but he shakes it off just as quickly and heads straight for the art room. He’s a little on edge now, but it evaporates as soon as he walks into the room and spots Liam already pulling out his nearly finished piece of work.

It’s really come together, Zayn has to admit. It’s not overly perfect, but neither is his art, and Liam’s really tried his best with the help Zayn had been able to give him.

“It looks great,” he comments while Liam studies it.

It’s really finished, though Zayn knows Liam wants to make sure it’s perfect, and he can respect that. Liam wants good marks and he’s willing to go out of his way to make that happen, even spend a few extra days working on a drawing he’s pretty much completed.

Liam smiles and sets the paper down, leaning over in order to kiss Zayn as his way of a greeting.

“I know I said I wanted to work on it some more today, but I don’t want to.”

Zayn’s smile only grows. “My place?”

“Your place.”

And they go from there. Liam places the artwork back in his portfolio and they head out of the nearly empty school. Zayn’s careful to make sure that no one sees them together if they do happen to pass by any of the other students or teachers that linger throughout the halls, and for a brief time, he thinks he sees a flash of hurt cross Liam’s face as he does so.

He shrugs it off though, believing he’s being paranoid and it isn’t long before the walk home is over and they’re in Zayn’s empty house, his parent’s busy picking up his siblings from school and taking them to their after school activities.

Zayn leads them to his room and as soon as he does so, both backpacks are on the floor, they’ve got their hands on one another and Zayn is kissing Liam with a harshness he’s wanted to do for quite some time now.

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” Zayn murmurs, biting Liam’s bottom lip and running his hands over the other boy, feeling his frame and the way he’s slightly bigger than he himself. It’s a bit of a turn on so Zayn pulls back and removes his shirt, tugging at Liam’s in order to do the same.

They’re only in their trousers by the time Zayn pushes Liam back onto the bed before climbing on top of the other boy. He steals several more kisses against the span of Liam’s jaw line before working his way to his neck. Liam’s gasps at the feeling of a wet tongue circling over the skin.

Zayn only smirks and busies himself with his hands, unbuttoning Liam’s pants and only pulling them down far enough so that he can palm the other boy, rubbing and causing Liam to hiss at the contact.

Zayn only increases his ministrations, tugging Liam’s boxers down just enough so that his dick isn’t covered buy unneeded material. He takes Liam’s length in his hand, ghosting his fingers over the member in order to tease Liam a little more. His mouth is still on Liam’s skin too, nipping at every place he can until Liam grows tired of being teased and a filthy  _please_  is released from his lips.

Zayn only has the decency to smirk and move down a little south ever so slowly, eyes watching Liam’s and the way they grow dark with anticipation, and just as Zayn’s about to open his mouth and lick, his name is being called by someone who is not Liam, and he freezes.

He sits up quickly, Liam still splayed in front of him with confusion on his face and at first Zayn thinks he’s going crazy but then in the next ten seconds, he realizes exactly what the fuck is going on and how this was definitely now how his night was supposed to go.

Louis opens the door to the room and yelps, covering his eyes before he can really get a good glimpse of anything. “What in the fuck, Zayn?”

And there are three different reactions that happen.

Louis, aside from his possible near blindness, has taken various amounts of steps backwards in order to exit the room, all the while keeping his eyes covered without running into anything.

Liam, on the other hand, goes beet red before he’s shoving Zayn off of him so he can zip up his pants and grab his shirt.

And Zayn is knocked off of Liam by his sudden reaction, lost in a world of complete disbelief that this has just taken place, the one where he was supposed to have Liam all to himself until Louis had to come into his house without knocking.

The dread starts to seep in.

“I think I should go,” he hears Liam say, but he’s quickly shaking his head.

“Give me a second,” he tells him because he doesn’t want Liam to leave. Their fun might have been ruined but there’s no point in Liam leaving right now. He’s good company and while Zayn’s not expecting to get laid after this whole fiasco, it’s nice having Liam here anyway. “Just stay here, please. Let me talk to him and-”

“Okay,” Liam says and takes a seat on the end of the bed. His face is still completely red and Zayn feels terrible about this, but he needs to deal with Louis before Liam so that he can get his friend to leave.

Zayn exits his room to find Louis still in the hall with a hand over his eye. “Is it safe?”

“You dick,” Zayn remarks, grabbing Louis’ shirt and pulling him towards the front of the house, until they’re in his living room.

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do. See, I knew you were lying to me earlier, so I came over here to figure it out and it looks like I’ve literally done that.”

Zayn turns around abruptly to face Louis, who almost runs into him but manages to catch himself. He looks at Zayn and waits for a response of some sort but Zayn can’t find it in himself to be too mad about it.

“Goddamnit, Zayn, just spit it out.”

“Me and Liam are together,” he says as fast as possible.

Louis only looks back at him and narrows his eyes. “Well no shit. Stop messing about; you know what I want to know.” His arms are crossed and Zayn knows that he better do as he’s told because when Louis gets into a stance, the conversation always leads to uncharted territories he’s not willing to go in.

“I’m bisexual, Louis, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but-”

And then he finds that he’s almost knocked over by a pair of arms that are circled around his being.

Louis is hugging him quite tightly and Zayn tries to push him off.

“You’re an idiot,” Louis says.

“I know.”

“You should’ve told me sooner.”

“Yeah.”

Louis pulls back and instead of looking angry or upset over Zayn lying, there’s a smirk on his face and Zayn scoffs.

“We’re not done talking about this, but I’ll leave you alone to get back to your… previous engagement.”

Zayn points at his front door, letting Louis know that he’s done with him for today.

“Alright, I’m going, and tell Liam I’m sorry, yeah? Maybe suck him off to help him feel a little better too!”

“Louis,” Zayn yells suddenly like he can’t believe he’s having this conversation with his best mate. This certainly wasn’t what he was expecting.

“Leaving.”

And then when Louis is really halfway out the door, Zayn calls out to him one more time causing Louis to turn his head to look at him.

“Please don’t say anything, to anyone.”

Louis only nods once, all joking aside. “Cross my heart.”

Then he’s gone, and Zayn is left alone in the living room by himself, letting out a huge sigh of relief because maybe this was all for the better. If two people knew his secret now, then it shouldn’t be too hard to eventually say something to his other friends.

And as he’s in deep thought, thinking of how it’d be for the better if he told his other mates, Liam’s voice startles him and he draws his gaze over to the hallway where Liam is standing. His clothes are rumpled on his body, and his hair more than a little unkempt.

“Sorry about that,” Zayn says, pointing towards the front door as if Liam would know that’s where Louis went.

“So Louis didn’t know?”

Zayn falters. “What do you mean?”

“Louis’ you’re best friend, right? He didn’t know you liked boys?”

“Oh, no.” He shrugs, not sure where this is going.

“I see.”

“Something wrong?” Zayn questions because Liam’s demeanor has suddenly shifted from earlier and while that’s to be expected since Louis definitely killed the mood, it’s something different in his stance that tells Zayn that whatever is on Liam’s mind is not just having been interrupted during what could’ve been really great sex.

“No,” Liam retorts, but then he’s running a hand through his hair and not meeting Zayn’s gaze. “Sort of, I I guess. I’m just wondering what the hell this is and what you’re playing at.”

“Excuse me?”

“Look, I understood the fact that you wanted whatever was going on between us to be kept from the school and I figured you were a little too shy to act like a couple in front of your friends, but none of them know. Well, Louis does now, but they had no clue about us or you, did they?”

Zayn doesn’t respond because this reaction wasn’t one he’d been expecting. Sure, he’d been keeping what they had a secret and although they hadn’t directly talked about it, he thought Liam was okay.

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” Liam sounds dejected, and Zayn has to process what he’s saying.

“What?”

“Zayn, it’s clear that you’ve got a lot of issues to figure out if you can’t even tell your best friends that you like another boy. Louis took it well enough, so I don’t see what the problem is, and yes, I’m gay and it was hard for me to find that courage I needed to tell someone, but I don’t think that’s truly the case here. You’re relieved that Louis knows. I can see it written all over your face.” Liam pauses to catch his breath while Zayn just listens because this is the muse that’s been eating away at his mind. It’s the logic and reasoning he’s pushed back for so long, and while everything was going so well for him so far, Louis had to go and muck it all up.

“And to me it seems like you want to say something, come out of the closet, whatever expression suits you best, but I can’t do this with you if you’re not in a position to give us a go. And maybe that’s stupid of me to think we were actually heading toward something like a relationship, but I gave this a chance because I like you. I’ve grown to like you a lot, but I can’t be your secret anymore.”

Zayn watches as Liam moves. He can see that the other boy is hesitant to leave but he walks across the room and towards the front door until Zayn is following him and blocking him from doing so. “What do you want me to do? Let everyone know about me? I can’t have people knowing about this. Louis was a one off, but what if I tell people, show people and they hate me-”

“And that’s exactly it,” Liam whispers. He looks somber, more than he should over something that apparently meant nothing to him, and maybe Zayn’s putting words into his mouth, but he thought they had a mutual understanding. “What’s more important to you, Zayn, your reputation or your happiness?”

Zayn feels his stomach knot and drop to his feet, and although deep down he knew where this conversation was going and what Liam is saying makes sense, that none of it is actually Liam’s fault, he can’t help but feel a little bitter. If he only played along with what Zayn wanted, they’d both be happy in bed right now, not giving a fuck about the world.

“So what are you wanting? You want me to parade you around the school and let everyone know we’ve got something going on because you don’t want whatever’s between us to be  _ours_?”

Liam looks startled at the sudden harshness laced throughout his words. “There’s no way in hell I would ever suggest for you to come out if that wasn’t what you wanted; that’s not my choice. That’s your decision and it just so happens that I can’t wait around for you to make it. I’m  _openly_  gay for a reason, Zayn. All I want is for us to take some time apart so you can figure out what you need because this isn’t fair to me, but really, it’s not fair to you either, hiding who you are.”

And Liam’s got a point just as much as he doesn’t because Zayn’s pretty sure Liam’s been in the same boat at one point in his life. He may have not had as much hesitation to come out and let people know about is sexual orientation, but how can he sit here and question Zayn’s own decision on what’s best for him?

But the rational side of Zayn knows that Liam’s only trying to do what’s best for the both of them and that ultimately the way Zayn’s been, the way he’s silently expected Liam to carry his own burden was his choice alone and regardless of whether they both had been happy during the short time they’d been together, it doesn’t matter because it was veiled behind a choice that Zayn has yet to make for himself.

“Then I guess we’re done here,” Zayn says, and Liam doesn’t even have the decency to agree with him before moving past Zayn and walking out of his life and whether if it’s forever or not, Zayn doesn’t have a clue.

x.x.x.x

He’s holding on to his pride a lot tighter than he should be and with each day that passes he can slowly feel its grip loosening because as he wakes up and walks through the school, he takes in his surroundings and realizes just how lonely he really is.

Zayn’s greeted in the hallway by everyone because he’s popular and people want him to acknowledge them just for a moment, but his heart isn’t in it. He doesn’t feel warm inside when he nods his head in their direction because now that he’s had a good thing in his life and it’s suddenly gone, he sees exactly what he’s been missing, exactly what he’d been lying to himself and everyone around him about, and that’s not what he wants anymore

Louis had even told him he was being stupid after he’d badgered him about what was going on between the two.

Zayn had told him straight up, turned to his mate for advice but he’d only left him with something simple like  _you have to do what’s right to you_ , which at first, Zayn hadn’t thought it was much help.

Now is a different story. He’s determined because although it’s been a few weeks since everything’s gone down, Zayn’s resolved to prove that he’s ready for this, ready for Liam.

It was bad enough having to see him around school and worse knowing that Liam hadn’t even shown up to the art room after school the following Monday.

Really, it was then he knew something had to change.

x.x.x.x

They’re currently sitting at the lunch table, and Zayn’s decided the best way to go about this, although now he’s getting cold feet, and he actually hasn’t told anyone what he’ll be doing.

“What’s the matter?” Louis asks, snapping Zayn out of his worry. He really has no idea on how to answer the other boy because he doesn’t want to ruin what he’s about to do, but on the other hand Louis tends to have the brains that Zayn lacks, and maybe he should’ve gotten his opinion on his plans before deciding that this was the best course of action.

“I think I’m about to do something really stupid.”

Louis responds with a look that suggests  _oh,_   _really_  with a cross of hesitation to even ask.

“What is it?”

“You’re about to find out, I guess.” Zayn shrugs before standing up and adjusting his clothes in order to give his mind a few moments to prepare for what he’s going to do. And really, he has no idea if this is going to work out because it happens all the time; someone can plan to high heaven and then once it’s executed, it all goes to shit.

“Zayn, should I be worried?”

He returns his gaze to Louis’ before speaking, “Just promise me you’ll have my back after this?”

“Always,” Louis states, giving him a smile.

When Zayn turns to leave, he can feel three sets of eyes on him. He knows he got both Harry and Niall’s attention too although they’d been in a deep conversation about sports but he pushes that to the back of his mind as he head in the only direction that is important to him at this moment.

Most people in the school think that Zayn and his fellow friends are too good to know what really goes on within the entire building. They figure he only knows certain people and that he doesn’t keep track of those kids considered the nerds, but to be honest, Zayn notices it all. He sees when someone is having a hard time in school, he knows a majority of these people’s names either because he’s grown up with them or they’ve made a habit of trying to get Zayn or Louis to notice them.

It rarely works.

But still, Zayn knows exactly what tables belong to who in the lunch room and he knows who’s friends with who and as of now, it’s more of a blessing given the fact that the room is packed full of students and if he hadn’t of known Liam, gotten to know him over the past few weeks, he never would’ve been able to spot him in this crowd of people.

So as he walks, he only has eyes for one thing, and that’s the table Liam is sitting at with his fellow group of friends. They’re eating and talking and having a good time and Zayn wonders why no one really bothers to associate with different groups. What makes all of them different than one another, why Zayn’s declared popular by no fault of his own while others are considered lesser in this whole school?

As he approaches the table, he can see a few glances his way until they turn around and mind their own business and it’s only when he’s close enough to the table does the chatter die down and people take on a solemn look, like Zayn’s here to give them a social death.

He looks around at them all, his heart beating in his chest. He knows some of their names, but he doesn’t know them personally and he figures that might all be about to change in just a few seconds because as he scans over the table, his eyes meet Liam’s who looks mildly shocked before his face turns passive and a little neutral.

“Do you need something, Zayn?” he asks.

Everyone around him is picking at their food, looking at Zayn and waiting for an answer or looking at Liam and wondering how the two of them know one another.

“I’d like to talk to you,” he responds.

Liam waits two seconds before making a move to stand up but Zayn’s shaking his head, “No, you can stay there.”

The other boy’s head tilts to the side, looking wary until he sees that Zayn is serious.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn begins, “I shouldn’t have assumed that you would be okay with… us and the way I went about it, but Liam, this isn’t easy for me. I’ve realized that you were right though, after all this time and maybe I needed a little push in order for me to be okay with who I am.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Liam murmurs, and if Zayn hadn’t of been watching Liam with a good amount of intent, he’s sure he would’ve missed it.

So instead of answering, Zayn moves in between two people who are sitting down. He barely squeezes through and the two students sputter with protest, but Zayn ignores them as he rests one of his hands against the table while the other one reaches out for the front of Liam’s shirt in order to pull him closer to Zayn.

It’s then that leans the rest of the way down and places his lips against Liam’s despite the sudden rush of blood in his veins and how warm he feels now because of the embarrassment, but he presses on until Liam’s responding and it only lasts a few seconds because Zayn’s in an awkward position and Liam’s a little stunned, and as they pull back there’s a smile on Zayn’s face and a smirk on Liam’s.

There’s a faint amount of voices that grow with each passing second they continue to look at one another, whispers traveling around like a game of telephone, and Zayn wonders what the rumors will be by the time the entire place hears of what just happened, but he’s happy and he can’t wait because now he’s at peace with himself and he’s open to have Liam without any secrets.

Because really, Liam was right. Who were these people to decide his fate?


End file.
